My Dad Showed Up On Our Doorstep

 In the last day I've had multiple calls from the home.  Typically they leave these really quiet messages that sound very anxious like I need to call right fucking now. I spoke with the home today after spending 20 minutes building myself up to make the call. Dad update:  he's barely eating, looks like hell, refuses to shave, is sleeping often. I attempted to book him in for a haircut but I think he refused. I also believe that he has not let them touch his laundry in months.   I have no idea when he last showered. The last asked me to book an appointment with his doctor. Took me another 20 minutes to call his doc. The office is closed today and tomorrow. Next week I have another assessment for him.  I'm worried he's going to freak out and punch the guy. I will likely have to take a day off work and take him to the doctor.  I'm sure they don't make house calls anymore. The next time a doctor is coming to the home is October. Of course his doctors office is on cr

Dad isn't doing the best.  He's not showering much.  I received a phone call today saying that he has been refusing to eat.  Which is concerning. I feel like he is on the decline.  He's not participating in many activities and is quite often napping.  He is also hunched over a lot. He is very much making no sense when he talks which is heartbreaking. Who am I kidding the whole thing is heartbreaking. Obviously there is nothing I can do to get him to eat other than maybe bringing him a burger.  Showering was an issue 9 months ago. Next week I have another fucking assessment.  This time it's for moving him into income based supportive housing.  It's preemptive to get him on a list basically. Good news is that I was able to get a subsidy for him at his current location.  It's still expensive but manageable for the next 8 months. If anyone would like to visit him I would suggest to do it sooner rather than later. That being said, do not feel like you have to go.  

 It seems I'm extending the time between visits to basically three weeks.  I just can't handle it anymore.  I'm very hard on myself and I know that I'm not doing my best.  I'm not caregiving. Nothing has happened with long term care yet.  At some point the money will run out. Maybe it was a bad decision to put him in that place? From what I gather no other place will take him.  Based on his behaviour.  I'm currently on no lists that I know of.   I don't believe he has officially been paneled yet.  Although when it gets done , they back date from the time he started supportive housing. I'm really at a loss.   I have a call in to the funeral home for a meeting next week to arrange things for the future. They called back and I haven't had the ability to call them again.  Nerves I guess? Going to email home care tomorrow and see if there is any news. There is sooooo much I should be doing.  I should be doing what I was doing when he was here.  On the pho

 I had a meeting with the home yesterday.  Dad will be moving to a special unit for long term care in the next few months.  Not sure when.  I am still on call for the time being, next bad outburst I will have to take him back to the hospital. He's violent and delusional.  The pills can only do so much. There is more to this but that is the gist. He Will be assessed again.  The sad but good news is that when he moves i will no longer be in charge of his we'll being.  He will be with professionals. I met with the bank to move some money around yesterday as well.  To keep him a float for a few months. During the conversation with the banker she judged me on the expense of the home, and starting suggesting moving him to a cheaper place.  Like it's that easy lady.  Honestly pissed me off.  Walk a mile.  I get it though, it was never supposed to be long term.  

 Just a quick update.  Going to see dad today after a bit of a break.  He's not doing well.  I've been in contact with homecare and they cannot transfer his file to the local area homecare as he is unstable.  He continues to have behavior issues and outbursts.   Because home care cannot be transferred yet, they cannot get long term care involved either.  Which is what needs to happen to move him into a nursing home. Of course there are wait lists, another assessment (ffs) etc. It's all extremely frustrating and depressing honestly. Yesterday apparently he moved his bed into the hallway and was going to move down the hall.  Likely into his friends room. I've been at a breaking point for awhile and it's only going to get worse.  There is nothing I can do to help him or fix him.   Tonight we are going to visit after work.  I'm not looking forward to it at all. I get anxiety attacks on the way.  I really don't want to stay long, even though I feel a bit better a

 It's officially been one year since Dad moved back to Winnipeg.  It was an incredibly difficult year for all of us. I am thankful that he is being taken care of for the most part. We are still trying to figure out how to get back to who we were.  Somedays are easier than others. Daily financial matters weigh on my mind.  I spend a lot of time sighing.  It's hard to shut it off.  I don't want him to get evicted. But I also need to get my shit together. I think maybe this is my turning point.  He's safe for now.  Time to move on. One thing I would like to mention is that I feel extremely guilty when I don't see him during the week.  As well it seems everytime I go and see him he has some kinda of outburst.  I'm not sure if there is a correlation. Because of this guilt, if I know someone in the family has gone and seen him that week, it allows me to relax.  If you go and see him please let me know. This week my cousin is going to visit him, and my Mom as well.