My Dad Showed Up On Our Doorstep

 In the last week we've got two calls to calm down dad.  Both of which my lovely wife dealt with.  For two reasons.  One she is closer.  Two I honestly can't fucking deal anymore. We are and will be always taking care of him. It seems weird to me that this is the case.  They want him as a zombie basically. From my lunch with him and some of Jens interactions in the last few days, dad can't leave anymore atleast not for awhile.  He keeps thinking he can just go for a "walk to the place , beyond the hill, to see the guy".   I can pick him up and take him back,but walking is out of the question.  As well having something to redirect him with just in case (doesn't matter what it is, newspaper a book, just have it in your car ready to distract). They called today and we didn't answer.  It was probably something that was nothing. That's 3 calls in four days. We are on call, as soon as he gets out of line.  It's no way to live. They say to care for someon

 I picked up Dad and we went for a walk to altos for a burger.  I called yesterday to let him know and he was waiting for me when I got there. He was very cheery and talkative.  We had a few good conversations.  I had to redirect him a bit (a skill I didn't know that I had).  He kept saying his foot was bugging him and that he would just go over the hill to the place to talk to the guy. I said I needed help carrying in a box for him from my truck.  I sneakily left it in there. Thankfully he forgot about the hill and the guy. I spoke with the aids and he is doing well.  I honestly think the hospital scared him a bit. I have to do some money arrangements and apply for subsidy there.  It would be nice if he can stay there for the time being.  It is quite expensive. Provided he is okay, etc.   We ordered a basic burger and they ended up bringing us a double!  He ate it all hahahha.

 I had my second attack in less than a week.  Dad was released today.  I spoke with the doctor this morning and it sounded like he was okay to go back to the home. Most of my morning was spent dealing with all this.  The nurses called multiple times while I was in the shower. I got out, spoke with them.  Then I went for a walk to try and calm down.  It didn't help.  All I thought about on my walk was having to pick him up and take him back to the "care" home.   When I got home there was another message on the phone. I emailed the home when I got back hoping they could deal with it.  No response. I listened to the message and called.  They wanted to know which pharmacy was his. I texted the home and asked if they could pick him up. I have this terrible pain in my chest from anxiety.  It's almost always there.   The nurse called at 11. "Hi your dad is ready to go.  How are you ?" Me "I'm fine....I'm on the verge of a anxiety attack.   How are you?

 I'm just not doing well at all.  I know it's too much to ask to have one day off where I can be at peace.   Dad update:  the hospital called today, he is doing well and they are transferring him back to the home. I am unsure what this means.  He has been taking his pills and there is a supply at the home for him. The home called: they are taking him back.  Conditionally.  Provided he takes his pills.  By the sounds of it , one more issue and he's out again.  Back to the hospital.  Never coming back. So I guess I get to wait again.  My hands are tied.  I may have to do all of this again very soon.  The good news is they will admit him right away. As is typical, I feel like my life is on pause.  

 I received a urgent call yesterday afternoon around 4 pm.  There was another issue at the care home.  Sounded like Dad wanted to go see a doctor.  I personally feel like it was his third strike, but I'll get into it later in this post. I went picked him up and headed to the hospital.  Basically told him I had the day off and we were going to get "his ears checked". Thankfully when we got there and he was triaged the nurse totally got the "check his ears" thing. We got there around 6:10, dad was finally seen at about 10 pm or so. I spent most of the time calming him down, distracting him, redirecting.   Once he was finally admitted I was able to talk to a very nice nurse. She was appalled that this was the procedure from the home.  That they knew better than the health care system.   I had been given transfer paperwork when I left and was under the impression this was just common practice.  Take him there , drop him off etc. That is not the case ! Nurse called l