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Don't argue, hug.

My Dad is an emotional guy, likely because of his Irish roots.  I am as well, although I don't cry that often.  My guess is because I've got a bit of stubborn Scottish in me as well.  Latetly I've cried a lot more.  Sometime it's little things, sometimes it's big things.  Like noticing day to day changes, helping him with things we've already talked about.   Confusion about events is one of those growing concerns.  What I find odd though, is he won't remember something we talked about yesterday, yet he will remember a fun event from a week ago?  

Couple months back, possibly sometime in april maybe Dad woke up in the morning and he wasn't doing well.  I can tell when he's upset, I've lived with him for the better part of my life.  

I asked him what was wrong, and he just started crying.  He said that he couldn't remember our names, that he had no idea who we are, but that he knows that we care for him and are taking care of him.  

This broke my heart.  I did my best to swallow that, and just hug him.  That's all you can do in those situations.  It's going to be okay, we are here for you, we care about you. 

One thing that I've found out is the:

5 things not to say to someone living with dementia

Don't tell them you have only just told them something.

Don't ask them if they recognise you.

Don't recall past events.

Don't correct them.

Don't ask them to make important decisions.

Further help and support.

And don't argue with them.  We had a brief argument where we talked about how he needed to change his underwear everyday, and he got very upset about it.  It ended with us hugging him and telling him that it's okay, and that we care for him.  Same with reminding him to have a shower.  That being said, he has been a LOT better about both of those things.  I think having a schedule helps him so much. 

Don't argue.  But don't agree either.  The other night we were watching tv and he said that he recognized a lady on a commercial.  She was a good person, lived in Alberta.  "Oh yeah, that's cool Dad, it's kinda neat seeing her on TV eh?".  And then we moved on to another topic and he forgot about it.  Trudeau comes on the tv and he's like "i'm going to ***** that fucker".  Sure Dad.  No point getting into it with him, I don't care either which way about our PM and honestly having any kinda of discussion about that is just going to lead to an argument. 

That being said, I noticed subtle changes everyday, and it's very depressing.  I just need to keep my head up and do my best.  Today is another day of trying to check things off and list and talk to people.  The list grows longer everyday.  

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