Skip to main content

Don't argue, hug.

My Dad is an emotional guy, likely because of his Irish roots.  I am as well, although I don't cry that often.  My guess is because I've got a bit of stubborn Scottish in me as well.  Latetly I've cried a lot more.  Sometime it's little things, sometimes it's big things.  Like noticing day to day changes, helping him with things we've already talked about.   Confusion about events is one of those growing concerns.  What I find odd though, is he won't remember something we talked about yesterday, yet he will remember a fun event from a week ago?  

Couple months back, possibly sometime in april maybe Dad woke up in the morning and he wasn't doing well.  I can tell when he's upset, I've lived with him for the better part of my life.  

I asked him what was wrong, and he just started crying.  He said that he couldn't remember our names, that he had no idea who we are, but that he knows that we care for him and are taking care of him.  

This broke my heart.  I did my best to swallow that, and just hug him.  That's all you can do in those situations.  It's going to be okay, we are here for you, we care about you. 

One thing that I've found out is the:

5 things not to say to someone living with dementia

Don't tell them you have only just told them something.

Don't ask them if they recognise you.

Don't recall past events.

Don't correct them.

Don't ask them to make important decisions.

Further help and support.

And don't argue with them.  We had a brief argument where we talked about how he needed to change his underwear everyday, and he got very upset about it.  It ended with us hugging him and telling him that it's okay, and that we care for him.  Same with reminding him to have a shower.  That being said, he has been a LOT better about both of those things.  I think having a schedule helps him so much. 

Don't argue.  But don't agree either.  The other night we were watching tv and he said that he recognized a lady on a commercial.  She was a good person, lived in Alberta.  "Oh yeah, that's cool Dad, it's kinda neat seeing her on TV eh?".  And then we moved on to another topic and he forgot about it.  Trudeau comes on the tv and he's like "i'm going to ***** that fucker".  Sure Dad.  No point getting into it with him, I don't care either which way about our PM and honestly having any kinda of discussion about that is just going to lead to an argument. 

That being said, I noticed subtle changes everyday, and it's very depressing.  I just need to keep my head up and do my best.  Today is another day of trying to check things off and list and talk to people.  The list grows longer everyday.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Notes for assessment

 I made some notes for the assessment folks, basic changes in the way he is.  I should note, this is rather depressing.  He gets fixated on something, and that is the only thing for a week or more.  At some point it changes to a new thing.  Examples include      • Using the phone, calling anyone in his phone book no matter that time of day (or day for that matter.  He calls people when they are at work).      • Trying to get a job.           ◦ Numerous times he’s gone to Fresh co, thinking he picked up an application, only to be sent home with a scene card membership form.       • Trying to sell his car.  (he doesn’t remember doing.  He believes the government took his license and car away).   He doesn’t know our names.  He thinks I am his brother.  He believes my wife is my sister somedays.  Other days just a relative.  He calls me “buddy...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm overwhelmed

I'm overwhelmed.  The loss of my dog is not helping the situation.  I'm slowly dragging my heels on things, because I'm worried about how my Dad is going to react.   We have started the paperwork to do home care, likely 3 times a week.  They would come in and make sure he eats and takes his pills.  My thought was mon-wed.  I'm home on thursday and the day program would be friday.  As well it looks like we are setup for a day program (well we will be when I make the call).  I am always making the calls.  To the point that I can't remember if I called someone or not.   The day program will be once a week.   It looks like we do not qualify for any respite whatsoever.  For the simple sake that he is extremely independent.  I know he is going to fight me on all of this.  And it fucking sucks.  Like it really fucking sucks.  Which is why I have difficulty making these calls.  I've got a meeting...
1 comment
Read more

The story so far

I knew my Dad was having some issues every time I talked to him.  It got to the point where I was worrying all the time and feeling anxious about calling him.  He was attempting to sell his condo but was having some difficulty.  I finally decided that enough was enough and I sent him a letter stating that I was very worried about him and that when he sold his condo I would come and pick him up.  Every time I talked to him he told me "oh it's sold I'm moving back to Manitoba".   I may post the letter at some point. He had mentioned that he was going to move in with his "cousin" (family friend of his).   I was worried he would just show up on her door step.  Instead he showed up on ours, one morning.  March 24th to be exact.  The first few weeks he was here, he was pretty tired and broken.  We spent a lot of time trying to get the condo sale dealt with, and jumping from thing to thing trying to get him into a place.  That's ...
Post a Comment
Read more