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Honestly just frustrated at this point

I received a package from the Alzheimer's society last week, with plenty of great information.  I urge anyone going thru this to contact them and or go down and pick up all the stuff.  Trying to read a lot of this in front of him isn't really do-able.  Between work and home I don't have any time for anything.  I keep thinking I really need to plan one thing a week to look forward to.   As I already suffer from a variety of anxiety, depression and ADHD, this whole situation is magnifying it even more.  

Dad has a weekly or bi-weekly fixation.  This week it's getting a job, last week the same thing.  When we were selling his car that was the fixation.  It's honestly hard to keep up with it somedays.  I'm banging my head against the wall.  I'm happy that I am slowly building a support network, people who call and talk to him and give us a break, people who pick him up.  That gives us an hour here or 15 minutes there to attempt to relax.  Yesterday we went out for a bit, and we basically just talked about him.  There is no break.  And there is no one to just take over when we are at our witt's end. 

We got into a fight on Wednesday, Dad had taken off the dogs collar and my wife gave him shit for it.  He even woke up mad the next day.  The gist was that she needs her collar on, considering we are worried he may leave the door open, fence etc.  Long story short she's our baby and we need to protect her.  Some people may find that silly, but whatever.   it's for her safety.  Of course you are NEVER supposed to argue with someone who has dementia.  Which is why I didn't say anything about him wanting to get a job today.  He can go and try.  

Our meeting at the bank last week did not go well, it was basically just paperwork and a formality meeting.  I have to wait.  There is a lot of finical matters I need to deal with, outstanding bills, taxes etc.  I may end up getting a second opinion from another branch.  I'm sick of waiting.  

Dad had a veritgo attack while we are at the bank, blacked out and smacked his head on the wall.  He is okay.  My guess is lack of water, that fact that it's been super hot and he rode his bike around in +40 with black jeans on a long sleeve shirt the day before.  

As well, I'm sure it was a bit of anxiety regarding the situation.  The one saving grace was afterwards he said to me "that's why I don't have a license and a car anymore".  Yup you are correct Dad. 

Getting back to the pamphlets from the society there was one about caregivers.  Different phases you go thru, like depression etc.  The thought that "oh he's fine, he seems to be getting better".  The crippling inability to do anything, and nothing is getting done and every fucking day is ground hog day.  It's gotta be calm, no fights, tea need to be at the right temperature.  Reminding him of everything including the fact that we do not need hotdogs, or eggs.  My sunday's and wednesday's are particularly terrible.  I'm so down, I just can't, I can't do anything.  Every week blurs into the next.  

Thankfully we are going camping this weekend, however I'll be running back and forth everyday to check on him.  Especially with that last vertigo scare.  Lord help me if he falls down our stairs.  Yesterday he managed to lock himself out while my wife was in the back yard.  What happens if that happens while we are out?   Boy home care would be fucking fabulous right now wouldn't it? Well I can't get that, or respite or anything until I get a health card for him.  We resent the application for the 3rd time (maybe fourth, I can't remember at this point).  

All of this is effecting every facet of my life, I'm not on at work, home is just terrible basically.  I have no gumtion to do anything at this point. 

Yesterday he went out a few times, hopped the bus, got drunk at the curtis and came home.  I couldn't even talk to him, he was making absolutely no sense whatsoever.  I can't follow him around, or stop him. 

at one's wit's end

Also, at wits' end. Completely puzzled and perplexed, not knowing what to do. For example, I've tried every possible source without success, and now I'm at my wit's end. This idiom, which uses wit in the sense of “mental faculties,” appeared in Piers Ploughman (c. 1377).




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