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Sure let's stop taking pills

 I really haven't been taking care of myself.  That's one of the big rules with caregiving.  I find myself always feeling behind with paperwork etc.

As soon as a wake up I'm already trying to figure out what I can do today.  It doesn't stop.

I'm a deep thinker and have a hard time letting go of things.  I'm constantly trying to figure out the next step.

Yesterday was my day off and I said to myself I will try and do a few things for dad before lunch and then do something for myself.

I went to the bank and had a good chat about the next steps.  I went to the doctor's office to see about getting his prescriptions filled.  As well booked an appointment for next week for him.  I believe this will be the final assessment.  Not looking forward to it.  I liked the idea of taking him to geatric care, because there was going to be a social worker etc.  

Of course there's issues with getting prescriptions.  I have to go down and request from pharmacy and need Rx numbers.

Dad threw out a bunch of pill bottles yesterday.

I come home to get the information and the POA.  Tell him "hey I'm going to get your prescription refills".

Him: that's okay I'm not taking pills anymore.  I've been testing it and I feel okay.

Fuck.

Yeah dad you are smarter than the doctor.

Well that got thrown out the window.  It's always steps backward.

I'm honestly worried and may have to get liquid versions of the pills.

I go for a walk to cool down and basically have a fuck around rest of the day.  I did get a nap in while he was out for a bit.

I bumped into him on my walk back and happily say where you going?

His response "fucking river".

Yeah it's a fucking fantastic idea to stop taking anti deperessants dad.

That totally fucked my mood.

He apparently went to mom's house but was back in time for supper.  

He received a CRA bill.  Write on it "I'm fucking broke!"

The rest of the night I spent sleeping as that's the only break I get.

I tried to rake in the afternoon and he tried to help.  I just wanted 15 minutes to myself.

The winter is going to be extremely difficult.


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