Sunday update thru to Wednesday

 Sunday morning 

I found out that my Dad's younger sister passed away.  I broke it to him in the morning.  It wasn't easy.   She passed away from a stroke and she had dementia as well.

(This obviously worries me about my dad, the rest of my family, myself).

We went thru pictures of her and talked a lot.  Afterwards he went out for a walk.  I'm sure it was extremely stressful.  

I hadn't seen her in awhile, but I miss her as well.  She was always a happy person whenever I saw her.

Sunday afternoon 

Went out this morning to do a few things, then came home to dad saying "we need to talk".

Typically this is usually a bad thing when someone says that to you.

It was a good thing.  Although sad.  I did set that aside though.

I run upstairs to talk with him in another room.  Didn't get my jacket off.

He was abit upset, he said that he knows he's getting worse.  Getting more forgetful.

I told him it's okay, I know and I'm here for him.

I calmed him down.

This came about because he got confused grocery shopping.   

We talked about getting him a place and how he saved some money so I'd like to get him a a nice place.  He's cool with it.  I apologized that sometimes we are tired when we get home and not the best house friends.

That it would be a good thing to have some buddies to talk to his age.

We talked about money.  He wants me to be in charge so he doesn't spend on stupid things.  I assured him that I was taking care of him.

This is all good progress.

He talked about how the day program would be good and he could get out of hair.  

Monday to Tuesday

Everything has been quiet so far.  There are still moments of sadness but he's okay.  No craziness either which is good.  We still feel pretty trapped honestly.

Wednesday

I was dreading telling him about the stress test.  I left it to the last minute.  

I was very worried but he did really good.  Apparently he's in pretty good shape for 71.  I guess it's all the walking for hot dogs!

We went for lunch and he started talking about how they took his license away.  And a lot of the same old daily mind numbing conversations.  I often just agree or give oblivious answers like yup, yeah well that's how it is.  Etc.

Most of Monday and Tuesday I was feeling very depressed.  The winter is creeping in.  

It's  very hard to maintain a positive attitude.  Considering I haven't really been a positive person.

I leave work and sit in my truck sometimes just not wanting to go home.

I had a pit in my stomach and chest for the last week.  I'm never really hungry.

Most of last week I had terrible heartburn as well.

It's very much taking its toll on me.  I'm constantly worrying.  And dealing with paperwork, calling people, scheduling things.

People say you are supposed to take care of yourself.  I can't see how or when.

Last time I went to band practice to get out of the house it was a fiasco when I got home.  Dad waited up for me, with the tv cranked.  My poor wife locked herself in the bedroom.  Likely with earplugs in.

So you walk up to your house thinking boy that was a good night, I did something for myself, I'm sorta happy.

Then bam.

Telling him I'll be home late doesn't help.  I've learned to not tell him when I'll be home.

At some point maybe I will haul my wife to band.  I dunno.  She'd probably hate it.

This Friday we are meeting her nephew and on the weekend we are going to a convention.

A little break.

He's gone on a walk now.  Now is the time to nap.