My Dad Showed Up On Our Doorstep

 I really haven't been taking care of myself.  That's one of the big rules with caregiving.  I find myself always feeling behind with paperwork etc. As soon as a wake up I'm already trying to figure out what I can do today.  It doesn't stop. I'm a deep thinker and have a hard time letting go of things.  I'm constantly trying to figure out the next step. Yesterday was my day off and I said to myself I will try and do a few things for dad before lunch and then do something for myself. I went to the bank and had a good chat about the next steps.  I went to the doctor's office to see about getting his prescriptions filled.  As well booked an appointment for next week for him.  I believe this will be the final assessment.  Not looking forward to it.  I liked the idea of taking him to geatric care, because there was going to be a social worker etc.   Of course there's issues with getting prescriptions.  I have to go down and req...

Just finished up a phone call regarding the assessment.  Dad is fairly independent although he does have advanced dementia at this point (although not confirmed officially).  Next step is for his doctor to do the official paperwork.  For the time being he will be staying with us, likely for another couple of years.  There are some housing options that are far to extreme for him currently, and other's that just have epic long wait lists.  Nursing homes are not the best option that is end of the line.  Assisted living is a good idea, but the wait lists are long and the places are expensive.  There are some options in really shitty parts of town.   Our best bet for the time being is to get some camera's and airtags (trackers) and a medic alert bracelet if he goes missing.  As far as our mental health there isn't really any options at this point, other than "put up and shut up".  Well not that extreme, but you get the gist.  Home c...

Yesterday we finally got the assessment done.  Well the preliminary version.  It's been six months.  A nice fellow came by our house and spoke with Dad for about 45 minutes.  It started off with medical history, and a few memory questions here and there.  I was on the fence about wether it should be all three of us, or only myself and Dad.  I decided it was in his best interest to just have me there.   Once we got past the preliminary questions, we moved on to memory questions.  While I was fully aware that he was having some troubles, when it's right in your face with a medical professional it becomes much more real.  Honestly these are easy questions.  Have you been married before (yes once, nope! twice actually Dad), what was your wifes name?  nothing.  Where are we?  What is the street address?  Nothing.  Who is this (points at me).  "That's my buddy!".  Yes but what is his name?  it start...

 I made some notes for the assessment folks, basic changes in the way he is.  I should note, this is rather depressing.  He gets fixated on something, and that is the only thing for a week or more.  At some point it changes to a new thing.  Examples include      • Using the phone, calling anyone in his phone book no matter that time of day (or day for that matter.  He calls people when they are at work).      • Trying to get a job.           ◦ Numerous times he’s gone to Fresh co, thinking he picked up an application, only to be sent home with a scene card membership form.       • Trying to sell his car.  (he doesn’t remember doing.  He believes the government took his license and car away).   He doesn’t know our names.  He thinks I am his brother.  He believes my wife is my sister somedays.  Other days just a relative.  He calls me “buddy...

We have finally booked the assessment.   My wife talked to the guy who will be doing it, and he seems very nice.  Having heard from a few other people this is an extremely difficult meeting.  I am on the fence as to wether it will just be Dad & I or, all 3 of us.  Part of me wants her there for my own sake.  However he seems to open up more when I'm the only one around.  I'm still thinking it over.  To a degree she has become the "bad guy".  Which is problematic.  She is the one that tells him to have a shower, change his underwear daily, etc.  There have been a few random arguments.  Just the other day he had made himself a fried egg sandwhich and then promptly washed the smoking hot frying pan.  Which warps it.  It's already super warped, so it's not going to get any worse.  I was sitting on the deck and overheard the conversation.  (mild argument).  This ended up with him going for a walk, and th...