My Dad Showed Up On Our Doorstep

 Dad had a good day yesterday, he was in good spirits, cheerful and happy.  I felt a little better, I think partially because I haven't spent a lot of time with him in the last 2 days.  He goes to bed quite early.  My schedule is going to be changing soon, and I'll have 2 days off back to back during the week.  This will be good for dealing with things for him.  I've got a call into a very expensive supportive housing place, and his Doctor is calling me back tomorrow to discuss moving forward.  Apparently the letter helped.  I have difficulty getting anything done around here while he is here.  He tends to keep pestering me, which I know is because I'm home and he's bored.  The problem is making phone calls regarding this is already quite anxiety inducing and having him overhear things may not be good. On another good note, I wrote Dad a sorta "to do" list for this week.  And he keeps bringing things up, which is good.  He ment...

Everyone is passing the buck.  I'll get back to that in a second.  Here's the good news, I paid off CRA.  Finally got access to the bank account and was able to convert all the savings to a RIF account for retirement.  We are looking at places for him that will not be affordable in the long term however:  1.  He saved money for retirement he might as well enjoy himself while he can.  2.  We honestly can't take it anymore, the priority is to get him a place to stay so we can have a moment to breath again.  Everyday is a struggle.  Today he wants to go get a job.  It looks like we are going to be getting another assessment, once again in our home.  Which is not good.  This assessment is thru a different government organization, it's the mental health one.  Yes I thought that last one was that as well!   Original assessment was for trying to get home care and supportive housing. This one is to decide whether he...

 Yesterday I was venting.  Today is a better day.  We are out of options at this point.  Everything he refuses is another strike. I'm slowly working on a plan and dealing with everything.   As I previously mentioned therapy was a bust but I'll go again. So far I think the best bet is countine to run defense as much as possible. Basically remind him to take the pills he feels he needs.  Make breakfast for him and lunch when I'm able (regardless of whether I'm hungry) Be happy when he's wandered off for awhile but also remain nervous and freaked out.  (I got a tracker coming to sew into his backpack). Countinue to keep him alive. Keep things calm. I doubt he will do home care anymore.  I've come to the conclusion that he's never moving out unless something bad happens. This is out of my control. I can't talk him into it, I can't make him do it.   The only other option and it's worse case scenario is dropping him off at emergency and l...

 Nice lady came today to give dad his pills.  He refused.  Refused lunch as well.  Went and got his own pills.   I'm cancelling it.  He can do the day program that's it. He's on his own, eat whatever you want, take your pills or don't.   Until he gets to completely invalid there's no point having a fight everyday.  I give up. I've got pain in my chest, I cant sleep.  I'm on edge all the time. There is no fucking way he's going into a home.  He won't go, he will refuse. There is absolutely nothing I can fucking do. I give up.  Stop this fucking merry go round and let me off.

 Lots of shit happened in the last 2 days.  Thursday morning I booked a therapy discussion to talk about what has been going on and have a place to vent and plan. Thursday morning was day one of home care meds. My appointment was at the exact same time and my phone started ringing as soon as I sat down.  Cue even more anxiety. I'll likely get into therapy at some point.  Needless to say I didn't get a lot of answers and didn't feel as good as I usually do because I was worried about the message on my phone. Home care didn't find the meds. Dad thinks this is done and won't happen again. They are trying again on Saturday. Cue more anxiety. Today, Friday he was going to get picked up for day program. In the morning I had got out his Noa from the government.  The day program needed the info and I had sealed the envelope. He opened it and got upset as it showed he owed taxes. I had to diffuse a nuclear bomb just before he got picked up. He was worried about the payme...

Yesterday morning I had a three way call with home care and supportive housing.  It didn't go well at all.   I had mentioned his drinking and the lady jumped on that, wouldn't drop it.   Basically in order to move into a place like this he needs to be sober, and okay with being locked in. This leaves us with expensive assisted living places.  Which in all honesty I'm fine with.  Other than moving him a lot.  Home care believes he will fail at assisted living.  I think so as well but it's worth a shot. Supportive care wants me to take over his finances and get him sober.  He's been better lately than he was, and I should not have mentioned it. What's done is done. Taking over finances is going to be difficult.  As you know I've been having trouble with his bank.

This is an important read.  Something I try and read once a week.  https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/language-dementia-what-not-to-say Dad goes thru cycles of being fixated on something.  Latetly it has been the fact that his "license was taken away".  It wasn't.  He surrendered it.  He was the one who wanted to sell his car.  Considering I'm Irish, I've got a very very long fuse.  It is however getting to the point where I'm going to get mad and say all of this outright to him.  Because I've heard this story 150+ times at this point.  In other news, my anxiety is at all time high.  I'm always exhausted.  I'm worried he's going to say no to home care, no to the day program, no to moving out.   There's no way to sell it to him, selling something to a salesmen is impossible.  Right now, it feels like he's going to be here for the rest of his life.  I can't think of things for him to do at this point.  I ...

Things are happening quickly.  I think the state of being constantly overwhelmed is just what it's going to be.  It looks like we will be starting home care next week and a day program on Fridays. Which is good news.  I am worried obviously on how he is going to take it, and if he is stand offish about it.  Unfortunately  you cannot reason with someone who has dementia and there is no amount of pre planning or pre explaining you can do.  I just have to say "this is how it is".  I have had quite a few good conversations with Home Care, the Alzheimer's society and the Geriatric clinician in the last few days.  As far as actual housing, it looks like we are going to try for Supportive care, which is basically one step below nursing home.  The weird thing is that he is very "one of a kind" in that he's very independent physically, but he can't remember shit.  This is a issue however, as we are going to need to prove that we need a LOT of hel...

I'm overwhelmed.  The loss of my dog is not helping the situation.  I'm slowly dragging my heels on things, because I'm worried about how my Dad is going to react.   We have started the paperwork to do home care, likely 3 times a week.  They would come in and make sure he eats and takes his pills.  My thought was mon-wed.  I'm home on thursday and the day program would be friday.  As well it looks like we are setup for a day program (well we will be when I make the call).  I am always making the calls.  To the point that I can't remember if I called someone or not.   The day program will be once a week.   It looks like we do not qualify for any respite whatsoever.  For the simple sake that he is extremely independent.  I know he is going to fight me on all of this.  And it fucking sucks.  Like it really fucking sucks.  Which is why I have difficulty making these calls.  I've got a meeting...